i swear its the rain thats making me feel this way.

i think FIR's latest song called 眷戀 is really nice! they really know how to use instruments to create the "i think i'm moving on but i'm actually i'm not" atmosphere. haha.

i figured i'm actually quite free, considering the fact that i can actually blog almost every other day. or maybe its just cuz a certain good-willed individual, (: , encouraged me to write my thoughts on the net for all to view.

actually its somewhat a new, discomforting feeling for me to air my deep, dark thoughts of my everyday life into a public domain like this. regardless of how much one might write on a blog, i swear its not complete.

ARGH. we're all superficial beings craving for attention! oh Buddha bless! AHHA. damn i'm goin' nuts.



its all turning dark
ugliness envelopes the heart
nothing's getting btter
as i sink into painful slumbers

nights consumed with fears
as i blanket myself with tears
how to get stronger
if all i know is to disappear

save me from my crimson decoration
carve out all my failures
could you heal my ugly crimson pervasion
make me see colours again

paint over my crimson walls of perfection
tear away my imperfections
could you take me away from my crimson blindness
make me see colours again



you, never realised... did you?
of course not.
they're going down with me.

A whirlwind of changes have swept me off my feet. as i desperately attempt (yet unsuccessfully) to seek a precarious balance, i am faced with the simmering disappointment from them. Never did i ask for your understanding, nor your forgiveness. I do not need your sad misunderstood gazes you send towards me like i'm a lost case. I tolerate your assumed misconceptions about me, but alas i doubt it'll last long.

keep misunderstanding me, you can sooo play with my edgy patience.

all your accusations that i've changed, LIKE YOU HAVEN'T! i'm just more aware now than in the past, but i haven't stopped __________ haven't i?

Have i compromised with my morales?
Have i embraced the lewd, dirty influences that you claim the OTHERS have?
Have i made you feel disgraced?
Have i steered away from my practise?



You deserve my pity.

i keep a calm facade as i glance over the Teachers siting next to me.
i am awed with their knowledge.
a deep respect for them has found its way into me.

"Make virtuous friends."
looking back at what Teacher Biaoyong said, i daresay i now do understand what he has said. This will be the people who will be WITH me along my path of practice.

I feel a strange new responsibility when i look at the children of J6C. playful, but attentive in their own naughty ways. i see potentials!

i am ignorant. VERY. i am eager to learn more about Buddhism. The thirst is unquenched. the sundays in the temple has been a spiritual balance in my life that has become indispensable. amidst the busy intoxicating life in jc, sundays in PKS is a return to the deeper purpose of life.

When you tend to forget about the deeper purposes in life as you travel further and further into the material world and out of yourself, it gets harder to pull yourself back. Self- righteous or justified people live nonchantly without the urge to look deeper into life. They hold onto the believe of permanent ends to life after death. is it even possible so?

i yawn. the joys of knowing something new is more than difficult to put it down in words.

bliss. is it?

thats a short summary to what i experience every fateful sunday ain't it?

they told him to follow his dreams.

they didnt tell me that last year.

why?

why?

why?

He wants to be a doctor. so he's allowed to follow his dreams.

and when i speak of my aspirations, they shut it away.

LOW CLASS SCUM. they would say.
"You're smart enough to get a better job than that!" come their indignant replies.

i sense no regret.
i feel their expectations.
i lose their understanding.
i see my dreams staying as that afterall.

i detest your discrimination.

i never wanted to go against your wishes. it just so happened this way!
i never wanted to make you angry. i just had to love something you didnt want me to!
i never wanted to show you my anger, my regrets and my emotions.
it just slipped. it shouldn't have.

i held on to a fragile hope that perhaps, you could understand my passion. perhaps you could give me acceptance. i should have known it all the while.

i'm sorry.

i promise i will keep my emotions in check from now onwards.
i will not let it slip in front of you anymore.


never.

shattered.

i figured out the piano part to jay chou's 枫.

i can't figure out what to write in my history assignment.

i figured what made me take physics after a subtle reminder from mr tay.

i can't figure out why i'm staring at the computer trying to figure out what to put into my history work.

i figured out that i'm going to start working hard for physics to remind myself why i took physics in the beginning.

i can't figure out why i'm staring helplessly at the blasted handphone for a reply.

i figured out that i'm hoping for a hopeless hope that you figured out eventually.

i can't figure out why i've adopted such a defensive stance everytime we talk about THAT.

i figured out you cant really blame me for being careful of not falling.

i can't figure out why i'm have an internal strife within myself.



i figured that ... once you're out, you'll figure THAT out for me.



until then dear, i will continue figuring out what was THAT all about.

the thrilling prospect of getting a boost in my own disposable (used to be miserable income) income and consumption as a result is so enticing that i can pee my pants.

i wanna jump into sunday NOW!

ok. maybe the peeing part should be deleted.

siyuan got 2nd runner up for nj superstar! but, DOH, he could've done SO much better. we all thought so. we screamed our heads off in support for him, we KNEW the song was gonna be so great it'd sweep anyone off their feet. BUT, the mike for the piano just had to NOT work then. who pays the media club peeps?

oh. they dont.

apparently the blasted switch wasn't turned on by the media person in charge of making the sounds of the piano sound remotely audible to the audience. it was a waste! people in front all said how well bekah played! of course she does! and the rest missed out!

and we know how accompaniments lead the fluctuations of the music. so when the climax was supposed to be there, no one (besides the people who heard it) knew it was the CLIMAX.

oh yes. how pissed we all were. if it wasn't the CNY festive mood that made us high, i'd bet we'd have killed anyone in our way. but the girl cant shoulder the blame all by herself. human to err. just wrong time to ERR. but its ok! apart from the fact that siyuan was crestfallen and upset and disappointed when we got to talk to him, and that bekah was fuming mad for letting siyuan down, everything's real peachy.

oh god. how bitchy that sounded.

gotta put a new agenda in my diary.

no 156920684 item to complete: as and when i feel nice enough to feel guilty about what i said, remember to update my blog and say how guilty i am for sprouting angry violent monologues.

--
but as a history student, i suddenly realise that there is a need to be fair.
so i shall conclude after a whole fury- packed entry, the media club people are still good in their jobs. cuz i'm the next best techno idiot after bekah. AND i wouldnt wanna imagine myself as the ava member under the wrath of 15 ++++++ fuming SO2 darlings. ((:

so if i cant do the job, its not my place to diss you.
--

as i venture into yet another new year, i sit up and start to place my resolutions into place. then again, do i actually hold enough of resolution to be resolute about my resolutions? or were they merely there to exist for a couple of determined days, before finally making a quiet and forgottened exit later in the year?

who doesnt want their resolutions to last?

but i suppose the sacred meaning of resolutions have been lost over the years, probably smeared with the CNY festive spirit of uttering happy rubbish on impulse. i mean, you DO tend to utter the impossibles when you're high, right. then you quieten down and think about the resolutions you've declared boldly in front of friends and families, you swear it wasnt you that was talking. it must've been the coke.

maybe resolutions should be returned to a time when they were regarded with sincerity. only given and blessed to people who really seek a change in their lives. maybe resolutions should be made quietly, minus the loud ruckus about "not falling in love anymore this year" crap.

its hard to pen my thoughts when so much is crammed in. you dont know how to say it to make it sound less desperate or self-indulgent. finding the right words to say, but not knowing how to make them sound right.

how do you convey a message without one knowing that you're conveying one?

OH GOD. the battle of my morales. and all thats left of it!

please come back soon. please know what i'm thinking. please know its killing me. please know i've been thinking. please quickly catch on what i'm trying to say. please make CNY come faster. please make the reunion a possibility. please answer my questions. please un- confuse me.

urgh. i'm drunk.

i am disappointed. TERRIBLY.
i look at the 3/4 empty sketchbook and i feel i've been keeping empty promises to no one but me. did i not hope and fantasize (during promos) that it'll be filled once i have the time?

oh time. how ironic! when you get bitter about how little of it you have, you make so much out of it. and when you're drowned into the depths of it, you cant seem to get anything proper done!

why the backstage crew job and the guides camp was definitely smashing.

enriching, short time, but packed with energy and drive. now when time seems to be infinite, i am definitely doing nothing at all. not nothing i suppose, i'm slacking.

thats not good because i'm flying off again in a few days time and i've just merely graized the first letters of my homework. i seem to be taking sardonic pleasure in knowing what trouble i'll get into but not exactly trying to change my oh-so-happy fate.

but the isolation is definitely addictive.

taking my (soon to be limited) time in basking in my solitude.

whoots.

i read about her history
her tears and falls.

i never knew and probably wouldnt have known from her calm mask she donned on day after day, about her persisting darkening daylights.

two she's from two worlds but playwriting their life in the same elaborate fashion.
was it merely a hideaway or was it a disillusion?
its not only them... is it?

how the masks of emotions have overcome all, we cant even tell which time its real.
have we become inept of displaying the truth or has the world chilled our depths of emotions?
do we question our tears when they flow, what makes them fall?
do we question our smiles when they appear, what commands them to show?
maybe it was just another performance, another act to be completed.
demands for perfection, monotony and assured security.

when will the curtains close?

i wrote a letter to her
i asked her what was wrong
about me

waiting for a hopeless reply
maybe she'd help
in some way

would she turn away
with scorn
would she laugh it off
and say i was thinking too much

or am i just

wrong.

dear you, at the looks of the current situation, i have to sincerely confess with utmost distaste that:

I HATE YOU

when you stuff the accusations up my mouth

that i've got my face stuck up my arse

BUGGER OFF Mr. YOU

I DON'T NEED YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THIS

MESS

please inform the required authorities when you've finally decided to

GET A LIFE.

From the bottom of my warped up heart,

Ms.Me

Disclaimer: The above declaration of big bouts of negative emotion is due to expire by today.

Summertime and the livin' is easy Fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high Your Daddy's rich and your Mama is good lookin' So, hush, little baby don't you cry One of these mornings you're gonna rise up singin' You're gonna spread your wings and take to the sky, take to the sky But until that mornin' there's nothin' that can harm you With Daddy and Mommy standin' by Summertime Yes, it's the time, I'm talking about summertime And the livin', summer living, and the living is so fine Fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high Your Daddy's rich, he's rich, your Daddy's filthy rich And your Mama, hot Mama, your Mama's so good lookin' So, hush, little baby don't you cry Summertime and the livin' is easy Fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high Your Daddy's rich and your Mama is good lookin' So, hush, little baby don't you cry

summertime-- renee olstead


i had a hell of a fun time just hanging out at the courts today.
like piecing back a part of my life that i've missed for a long while. i feel happy today!
time seems to almost stop when i spend my time there. but when reality strikes, i realise that time passes faster than i expect. i'm glad... in a sad way.

reliving the past. something that ain't gonna repeat jsut like it was before. just a tinkering similarity there at times.

ohwells! :D

i'm motivated to change.
i've thought about stuff and i think some things should change for the better.
but after you need 2 hands to clap.. so i shall do my part to the best of my ability.

i realised as well...
we tend to write better when we feel strongly about something, or when a certain strong emotion engulfs us up. senses filled and all, the thoughts just come,.. like verbal diarhoea or something. cool.

i'm currently dry, barren or whatsoever.

i've forgiven, forgotten. thats something good.
but the choice is changing. the distance is reached. i am hiding a bit.

my trust has changed. my belief has changed. for the good or worst... well darling, we'l have to wait and see aye?

i'm inspired in guides. i feel a great sense of repsonsibility, duty to do something to impact their lives. whatever mindy just said in the UH camp has been replaying in my mind for ages. and i'm gonna make sure whatever she envisions the guiding life of a 16 year old to be, become reality. i believe in her principles. i believe in what she sees guiding knowledge as.

and it ain't coming from testwork or logbooks.

i made that promise on my guide honour, that it won't happen to them. no matter what. ((:

and by chance, my passion will ignite theirs as well.

and they, can carry on spreading the light of guiding.

it will happen. (:

Summer has come and passedThe innocent can never lastwake me up when september endslike my fathers come to passseven years has gone so fastwake me up when september endshere comes the rain againfalling from the starsdrenched in my pain againbecoming who we areas my memory restsbut never forgets what I lostwake me up when september endssummer has come and passedthe innocent can never lastwake me up when september endsring out the bells againlike we did when spring beganwake me up when september endshere comes the rain againfalling from the starsdrenched in my pain againbecoming who we areas my memory restsbut never forgets what I lostwake me up when september endsSummer has come and passedThe innocent can never lastwake me up when september endslike my father's come to passtwenty years has gone so fastwake me up when september endswake me up when september endswake me up when september ends


the bitter taste lingers longer than i expected.
it fills my senses. i am drowning.

i like green day's wake me up when september ends.
i saw the MTV and i was like whoa.

haha.

kenneth koh..
what can i say?
he is the bravest guy i've ever met to date.
God. he kept mr koh walking brave down that bleak road of life.
i'm in awe.
people mightn't realise it, but faith does miracles man.
i believe in faith. the power of faith.
it gives you like... almost a second breathe of life.
it gives you purpose i suppose.

oh no. i'm not done yet. my brother's bugging me off the com.
ohwells.

dear pretty ( my blog's name as of now HAHA),
i'll be back as soon as i get my hands on the computer.
don't miss me, i'll be back.
that.
was not ME. omg. i can't believe i wrote that.

You and me We used to be together Everyday together always I really feel That I'm losing my best friend I can't believeThis could be the end It looks as though you're letting go And if it's real Well I don't want to know Don't speak I know just what you're sayingSo please stop explaining Don't tell me cause it hurts Don't speak I know what you're thinking I don't need your reasons Don't tell me cause it hurtsOur memories Well, they can be inviting But some are altogether Mighty frightening As we die, both you and I With my head in my hands I sit and cry Don't speak I know just what you're saying So please stop explainingDon't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no) Don't speak I know what you're thinking I don't need your reasons Don't tell me cause it hurts It's all ending I gotta stop pretending who we are... You and me I can see us dying...are we? Don't speak I know just what you're saying So please stop explainingDon't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no) Don't speak I know what you're thinking I don't need your reasons Don't tell me cause it hurts Don't tell me cause it hurts! I know what you're saying So please stop explainingDon't speak,don't speak, don't speak, oh I know what you're thinking And I don't need your reasons I know you're good, I know you're good, I know you're real good Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

[no doubt's don't speak]

my latest almost favourite song.



i made a certain promise to a certain somebody in a certain place that i'll live a certain life in a certain place and try to be certain about my certain decision i made a certain time a go.

i'll try. certainly.

i wish no one's reading my blog. since i didnt make much publicity about this warped up page i hope it remains as unknown i hoped it to be.

Many things have happened,
where to begin?
where to end?

When do i stop what i've started?
HOW TO?


mr. YOU.
its impossible.
i'm delussional. thats possible.
just let go and have things be.
sometimes it doesn't go by what you want it to be.
there isn't and won't be a WE.
you
me
not US.


i'm throdding slowly on a very uncertain route i've chosen. i shall try to make the best out of it. although the days seem bleaker than the past, i shall live through it.


many things have happened. not to me, but to many around me. it hurts to see the drying streaks of wetness that cross their cheeks, it hurts to see their struggle to stay above the dread of an end.
but i'm touched. i'm touched to see how they hold on to that single thread of hope, fragile, but strong. thats ironic right. i long to see that special thing last. i long to see THEM last. they will. certainly.

the storm comes not to scare, but to test.

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people
IStill feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people
I Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m doneI gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight

[I’m coming back home]

``michael buble``

and i moan. groan. mope. im in the dumps.

im regretting a hasty decision i made.
shits. shits. shits.
maybe i should just have listened to myself then.
THEN.

so many ifs so many regrets.

why do i say so much?
time cant turn back.

i guess i should just carry on a wasted decision.

who knows. maybe it would be better in the times to come.

i hate this. detest the atrocity of it all.
how shallow. i laughed at them before.
and now i laugh at myself.
because im in the same predicament as them.
what am i doing?
how much pain do i have to go through again
just to get that freaking PAPER.

i'm toiling like some shit flake for a darn nasty piece of paper.
laugh at me.
HA.
ha.
.

pfft.

翻着我们的照片,

想念若隐若现,

去年的冬天,

我们笑得很甜,

看着你哭泣的脸,

对着我说再见,

来不及听见,你已走得很远,

也许你已经放弃我,

也许已经很难回头,

我知道自己错过,

请再给我一个理由,

说你不爱我,

就算是我不懂,

能不能原谅我,

请不要把分手当作你的请求,

我知道坚持要走是你受伤的藉口,

请你回头,

我会陪你一直走到最后,

就算没有结果,

我也能够随,

我知道你的痛,

是我给的承诺,

你说给过我笑容,

沉默是因为包容,

如果要走,

请你记得我,

如果难过,

请你忘了我.

- jaychou.

ohwellls. i'm dweling in junyan's house currently. got my class timetable and i was unfortunate enough to be the temporary CT reo post. wadahell. im not looking forward to it but heck. i'll see what i can do. (: my timetable sucks as well. my earliset day is like 310 ?! the latest ain't any fun as well.. i mean 520 lah! SO1 ends like at 430 for their latest day. boo hoo. i miss SO1. really really really really miss them. our dear horny club president SYFUL is gone with the wind. he goes where the chio bus lead him to. hee. oh no. our little tiny chews is in RJ in the hands of JOSHUA. OH NO. i pray nothing bad happens to her... ((:

i sprained my finger! bloody hell. then i go on and brave all dangers to play bball even though im invalid. wells. i guess being stupid means you'll have to be always prepared to suffer the unwelcomed consequences. too BAD. i made my injury worst. but at least it's not swollen like last week. oh wells.

i hope SO2 is as fun as SO1. PRAY.

sighs.

i miss SO1.

im ready to cry.

at least we'll be able to play bball lah.

i'll be optimistic.

cheers!

(:

luuuurve jay chou.

Yeah, ooooh...

We started as friends

But something happened inside me

Now I'm reading into everything But there's no sign you hear the lightning, baby

You don't ever notice me turning on my charm

Or wonder why I'm always where you are

I've made it obvious

Done everything but sing it (I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)

I'm not so good with words And since you never notice

The way that we belong

I'll say it in a love song

I've heard you talk about (Heard you talk about)

How you want someone just like me ( just like me)

But everytime I ask you out (Time I ask you out)

We never move pass friendly, no no

And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone

Or wonder why I keep you on the phone

I've made it obvious

Done everything but sing it (I've crushed on you so long but on and on you get me wrong)

I'm not so good with words And since you never notice

The way that we belong I'll say it in a love song

Yeah... You are my very first thought in the morning

And my last at nightfall

You are the love that came without warning

I need you, I want you to know

I've made it obvious

So finally I'll sing it (I've crushed on you so long)

I'm not so good with words

And since you never notice

The way that we belong

I'll say it in a love song

And sing it until the day you're holding me

I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong

I more then adore you but since you never seem to see

But you never seem to see

I'll say it in this love song

my latest favourite favourite song! i love it. im a bit outdated but this song's really nice. love it to bits. (: i went NJ. maybe thats too late to mention now since its been such a long time. i was supposed to OFFICIALLY announced that this blog is dysfunctional BUT i decided to keep it since some darLINGS still want me to tell her about my oh so boring life. ohwells. maybe not that boring after all. NJ's been really cool and i've been enjoying myself day after day excluding maths lectures since the lecturer cant teach for nuts. she gets me more confused than in sec 3 with clement tan. what a comfort for him. HE's NOT THE WORST! whee.

so. i played bball today during lunch and i had a real bloody hit by the ball on my oh so unlucky mouth. ahhaahahaha! clement whammed the ball out of kah's hands and the daydreaming renny got the crap (: i'm so fortunate. but oh well. bball's like this i suppose. but it was fun (: yay! gonna play more next week. 05S01 is getting noisier and noisier. hmmm. i wonder why. hahahahah oops.

i miss SN! the guides especially. the reality really hits you when you see the different faces nowadays. no more seeing sam 7 days a week, or catching some sec ones who seem to habour crushes on some special individuals peeking (too obviously) around for HERRR ((((: i wonder who. miss 4hopeclique! its getting a bit sadd. ooh.

BUT BUT bUT. stnicks lost her blue and white and pink! now its all rainbow-y and all. it looks pre-school kindergarten to school us bigg girls man! dunno. but it doesnt strike me as homely as compared to the milder colours of pink and blue. sad. so much for complaining that blue and pink didnt go together in the past. look what happened. it just got worse!!! damn.

the world's fantastically small. im in kenneth foo's GP class. the class is bonkers with edwin. i became -renCI- under his very creative imagination. renci. yeah. the charity show. so he became NKF. wells. he's funny to quarrel with. BUT. he calls me a smurf. hmph. cuz we're in blue and white. well. green and white's like a cucumber right? hahahhaha. lame ol' cucumber.

i've to finally accept the high waisted River Valley uniform, since half of my classmates are from that school. ok. fine. looking at it everyday has gotten rid of my previous not so good impression on their uniform. the RV girls reckon that their uniforms are nice. they like it. oh k. i'm open to all opinions. i'm not the one wearing it (:

i tried on the nanyang uni. chews said i looked awful. ahahah. i guess i grew on the stnicks uni. oh wells. i'm hungry. no more stored energy to waste. (((: till then!

YAY! to darLINGS! love you! for keeping this blog alive. (: i wouldnt have written in this blog if you didnt tell me to.

finally. prelims are over. and now all that's left is the O's. the big great important thing that's gonna bring us yet into another phase of life. the end of schooling in st nicks. not that the school's great or whatever, but i'm gonna miss it. not the school, but the people, of course... some of the food as well. hee. i watched raising helen like... few weeks ago, in the midst of prelims. me and kris cried our hearts out in the almost empty cinema. and sad to say, xian pretended not to know us. HA. the couple sitting at the back of us moved to the other end of the theatre during the advertisments part. hahahah. OK. i know that's our fault lah, because it wasn't even the movie that made us laugh, the advertisments were just so strangely funny that we began to laugh. probably irritated the hell outta them. WE CAN'T HELP IT. SORRY. but it'll happen again. (:

I MISS GUIDES. AND MORNING GLORY. and many many people i love a lot there. like... hmmm. yanhong dear, ling ling, dots. can't remember. hahahaha.

gonna start my intensive study schedule. and therefore, i officially proclaim this blog to be yet another round of two- month- dysfunctional blog. so don't bother checking. this account will probably be stuck here until december. i predict that after O's i won't even have the time to come online to post a decent account of some scruple of my life. too busy catching up on my life that i lost in studying. great. i'm excited. hahahahah.

fell down today. on the hockey pitch. what a decent fall man. right before the day i'm going to the istana to get the PGA. GREAT. and i'll like limp up the stairs to get the prize from mr president. i'm looking forward to the reception actually. food glorious food! wonderful. fruit tarts, cheesecakes! yay!

lalala... my patrol blog is sooooo nice. cheryl's great! must be cux she's a morning glorian. hahahahahh! so bhb eh me.
no more test liao! next week's test, surprisingly only comprises of chem! how exciting! and i can slack for the rest of the bloody week! not bloody lah. haha. will be having a buddhist retreat on thursay to saturday. hahah... so i'll be meditating and stuff in the temple. anyway. i've blogged in the patrol webbie! hahaha

renny :)

think renny's gonna break.
how?
she's trying to be stretched to the limits but I'm not a rubber band...
i'm still a string.
i'll break
when you pull too hard.
i'll bounce back higher when you hit me to the ground
but i'll burst when you do it to hard.

gimme some assurance would you?
i'm not prepared to live through self doubt and misery every day.
i'm not prepared to smile to everyone when i really dun feel like doing that.
i dun wanna cry in front of people and show that i'm a weakling.

lost my way.
my tears blinded my way...