i swear its the rain thats making me feel this way.

i think FIR's latest song called 眷戀 is really nice! they really know how to use instruments to create the "i think i'm moving on but i'm actually i'm not" atmosphere. haha.

i figured i'm actually quite free, considering the fact that i can actually blog almost every other day. or maybe its just cuz a certain good-willed individual, (: , encouraged me to write my thoughts on the net for all to view.

actually its somewhat a new, discomforting feeling for me to air my deep, dark thoughts of my everyday life into a public domain like this. regardless of how much one might write on a blog, i swear its not complete.

ARGH. we're all superficial beings craving for attention! oh Buddha bless! AHHA. damn i'm goin' nuts.



its all turning dark
ugliness envelopes the heart
nothing's getting btter
as i sink into painful slumbers

nights consumed with fears
as i blanket myself with tears
how to get stronger
if all i know is to disappear

save me from my crimson decoration
carve out all my failures
could you heal my ugly crimson pervasion
make me see colours again

paint over my crimson walls of perfection
tear away my imperfections
could you take me away from my crimson blindness
make me see colours again



you, never realised... did you?
of course not.
they're going down with me.

A whirlwind of changes have swept me off my feet. as i desperately attempt (yet unsuccessfully) to seek a precarious balance, i am faced with the simmering disappointment from them. Never did i ask for your understanding, nor your forgiveness. I do not need your sad misunderstood gazes you send towards me like i'm a lost case. I tolerate your assumed misconceptions about me, but alas i doubt it'll last long.

keep misunderstanding me, you can sooo play with my edgy patience.

all your accusations that i've changed, LIKE YOU HAVEN'T! i'm just more aware now than in the past, but i haven't stopped __________ haven't i?

Have i compromised with my morales?
Have i embraced the lewd, dirty influences that you claim the OTHERS have?
Have i made you feel disgraced?
Have i steered away from my practise?



You deserve my pity.